HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Now I’m not necessarily complaining and I don’t want to be coy

But Halloween has changed a bit since I was a little boy.

Back then the candy bars were bigger and the costumes less complex

Today the candy comes in littler pieces and there’s quite a bit more sex.

We’d cut two eyes out of an old used sheet and voila- we were a ghost.

There was always a competition for candy- to see who got the most.

If there was a house on our street whose candy we thought was prime

We’d wait a few minutes, exchange costumes, then go back a second time.

When we got home we’d pour our candy out, we’d smell, we’d open and we’d lick

We’d eat until we were made to stop, or until we all got sick.

Yes, Halloween used to be about the children, it was a cherished holiday

But recently the adults of the world have taken it away.

Before the children stayed up late now they’re put to bed instead

Because Adult Halloween doesn’t get started until the kids are all in bed.

At an adult Halloween party as I’m sure you are aware

There’s beer and wine, very little candy and cleavage everywhere.

Sexy costumes are now the norm, much sexier than way back when

But have you noticed they’re only sexier for the women not the men?

For instance women have the Twerkin Teddy as worn by Miley on TV.

While the men are dressed like Willie from the show Duck Dynasty.

Men dress like Walter White from the series Breaking Bad

Women can also dress like Walter, but are much more scantily clad.

On a woman I’ve seen a sexy banana with the peeling falling down

While the man was a bruised banana that made him look just like a clown.

True a man can wear a patch and hat and be a pirate cutie,

But the women’s pirate (did they even have them?) seems to show a lot more booty.

And the fox says let the lady give the sexy fox a whirl

While the man from the same video is in the costume of a squirrel

Yes if you stop to think about it I’m sure you’ll see just what I mean

The children are now secondary to the sex on Halloween.

So women, not to worry this Halloween, show your cleavage, have a beer

And think about the costume your daughter might wear next year…

Oh I’ll enjoy the costumes this year, it’s all part of my simple plan

To say Happy Halloween, pass out candy and be glad that I’m a man.