COFFEE

It seems there are two types of people in this world, at least as far as I can see

There are those people who drink coffee and then there’s Deborah and me.

When we tell our friends we don’t drink coffee they act like we have fleas

Or worse like we are serial killers or have some strange disease.

“Don’t drink coffee,” they remark, oh they’re polite to us, but then

Once the meals over, we’re never asked out again.

What is it with you coffee drinkers and your love for the coffee bean?

Why do you put up with an absence of flavor just to soak up that caffeine?

Oh you’ll add some sugar, milk or cream to get the flavor that you seek

But then your one cup of coffee has enough calories for the week.

And some of you drink decaf...you say you’ve liked the flavor all along

Well let me state now for the record, I’m sorry that’s just wrong!

And what is it with Starbucks? Pardon me for being curt

But why pay all that hard-earned money for a drink that tastes like dirt?

Our friends say there are so many ways to drink it now, come on and try a swig...

I say you can dress a pig in an evening gown but in the end it’s still a pig.

We will never stop you from drinking coffee or watching you get obese

But please don’t make us drink that stuff and let us live in peace.

And quit acting like it is Deborah and I who are crazy or afflicted

When it’s quite obvious by your behavior that it is you who are addicted.

One day you’ll finish your 12 step program and your teeth will be stain free

Then, when you go out for lunch, don’t forget to invite Deborah and me.

Until the day when there’s no more sign of caffein in your blood

Think about this, why is that stuff you drink also known as mud?

DEAR COFFEE DRINKERS:

Although Jim has a right to his opinion, his views we will not defend

For we believe without coffee, coffee drinkers and Starbucks the world as we know it would end...

So please don’t listen to his ranting, keep drinking your coffee, frequenting Starbucks and never feel blue

And we apologize for an discomfort this poem may have caused in you.

THE MANAGEMENT