THE BENEFITS OF BACON

The women’s Kansas State Basketball team is known as the Lady Wildcats

And it is to their resourceful ingenuity that we may all now take off our hats.

To beef up attendance for this Friday’s game..no, I am not at all mistaken

They decided to forego free shirts or hats and give away free bacon!

You can appeal to their love of sport, you can hope their school spirit is strong

But appealing to their bacon love is a promotion that can never go wrong.

You have to admit the aroma of bacon leaves one with a lasting impression

But in many people, and we know who we are, it has led to a bacon obsession.

When I awake in the morning sometimes I feel a little wobbly on my old legs

But I quickly get my energy back when I pair bacon with my fried eggs.

At lunch if I’m craving bacon I might do something quite insane

Like taking some eggs, cheese, bacon and dough and making a quiche lorraine. 

At dinner a bacon cheeseburger will always make me cheer

Especially when I wash it down with a cold pint of bacon beer.

But the uses for bacon do not stop with 3 square meals...no way!

There are many more creative and ingenious ways to fit bacon into your day.

Sure it may sound a little crazy or maybe it’s just a wild phase

But my favorite food enhancer is something called Baconnaise!

Bacon now comes is chocolate bars, or brownies or ice cream

And chicken fried bacon or a bacon bouquet will make for some pleasant dreams.

It comes in strips or little bits; in a BLT it’s the first letter

Because everyone knows that bacon makes any food taste better.

I’m not sure of bacon’s place in the science of taxonomy

But bacon as far as I’m concerned is the duct tape of gastronomy.

I bet Republicans and Democrats would agree on any law they’er makin’

If they negotiated while sharing a pile of crispy, fried bacon!

Doctor’s tell us that bacon’s unhealthy, a fact all bacon lovers know

But if bacon’s going to kill me...then what a way to go!

If that tasty treat does contribute to ending my life one day

Then line my coffin with bacon and send me on my way

For if there is a heaven above and I am part of some divine celestial plan

Then God will meet me at the gates of heaven with bacon fried up in a pan.

So good luck Lady Wildcats, I hope you win Friday night and win big

Because we all know bacon is wonderful...as long as your not a pig.